


as good as gold

by possibilityleft



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: Christmas, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:19:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3139133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possibilityleft/pseuds/possibilityleft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Laserbeam is torn away from playing Santa in the orphan district.  What evil lurks at Christmastime, young chums?</p>
            </blockquote>





	as good as gold

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [gloriousclio](http://gloriousclio.tumblr.com) for the [Thrilling Adventure Hour Secret Santa](http://tahss2014.tumblr.com/) as a pinch hit. Her prompt was Apex Christmas.

Captain Laserbeam decided to make Christmas low-key this year, and wore a Santa suit to the orphan district a few days before the holiday. Patiently he listened to the requests of parentless children who mostly seemed to want Captain Laserbeam playsets. (Not that he needed the money, but playboy philanthropist Joshua Valor was going to have a great year, collecting the royalties on those playsets on behalf of Captain Laserbeam.)

He was just explaining this to a little urchin when the Adventurekateer Distress Signal played in his ear at a frequency only he could hear. There were five more kids in line, and they looked at him, confused, when he stood up.

"Leaping laserbeams! I mean, ho ho ho!" he said, grabbing at the pillow cinched around his middle. "Santa has to be off to his workshop to deal with an emergency! He will be sure to bring you all wonderful gifts on Christmas, though! So long, and away!"

He patted each one on the head and then rushed from the room. An observer might be fascinated by the sight of Santa Claus flying away without aid of any reindeer, but he was gone in a blink of light.

*

"Santa Claus is here!" Adventurekateer Patrick said breathily when Laserbeam strode into the Clubhouse. "Santa Claus, Santa Claus!"

Adventurekateer Clio scoffed. "It's Captain Laserbeam, dummy. Santa Claus isn't going to be here for two more days."

"While that is true," Laserbeam said, taking off the red hat, "it wasn't very nice, Clio. You don't want to end up on the naughty list. Speaking of which, what evil lurks, my young chums? Has the Tannen-bomber returned to Apex City with his booby-trapped Christmas trees?"

"Sorry, Patrick," Clio said, without much enthusiasm.

"Thanks, Clio," Patrick said, and then, dramatically, "no, worse!"

"Has the Mistletoe Maven returned to kiss Apex City to death?"

"Worse!" the children chorused.

"Was the Snow Queen unable to "let it go," last year's defeat that is?"

"Worse!" Patrick said, while Clio hummed a couple of bars of a recognizable but unnamed song.

"Has the Hannukah Highwayman begun stealing all of the matches again?"

"Worse!" the kids said.

"What could be worse, Adventurekateers?"

"It's Phillip Fathom!" Patrick burst out. "He returned your Christmas card!"

He held up the envelope, which was dripping onto the carpet. The Adventurekateer Clubhouse's return address was fairly smeared, but Fathom's name was still visible on the front.

"What?" Laserbeam asked. "He returned it? But I know I had the right address! See, there it is, Justice Cove, Bermudan Triangle, care of Apex City Marina!"

"He returned it personally," Clio said, her voice dropping. "He said he didn't want anything to do with Christmas this year."

"Leaping laserbeams!" Captain Laserbeam said. "I wonder what vile villain has gotten their hooks into him, to make him behave that way!"

Patrick wiped his nose. "I think that Phillip Fathom is a bit of a... Scrooge," he whispered.

"It can't be!" Laserbeam said. He took the soggy card from Patrick's hand carefully. "I have to go rescue him!"

"He hates being rescued," Clio pointed out.

"Then I'll have to... team up with him. Proactively. I'm sure he'll agree to it once I break him free!" Laserbeam declared.

And after insisting that he'd be fine with Adventurekateers in spirit, and his one hundred laserbeams, Captain Laserbeam shot off in the direction of the cold and unforgiving sea.

*

Laserbeam had to knock more than once before the door was opened. He was expecting to see a fresh-faced Investigateen, but Fathom himself met him at the door.

"Captain Laserbeam," he said in his raspy voice. "I knew you would come."

He turned away. After a moment, Laserbeam followed him inside.

"What's going on, Phillip Fathom? I thought I was going to have to rescue you from a terrible fate, but you don't appear to be in any danger!"

Fathom paused. "Is this about the Christmas card?" he growled.

"Yes! Well, no. Because that would be ridiculous, why would I come all this way just because you refused my friendly mailing?" Laserbeam said, backpedaling.

"I did return it," Fathom said. "I can't celebrate. Not this year." His shoulders hunched. "MY PARENTS DIED AT SEA!" he explained.

"Yeah, but--" Laserbeam began, but when Fathom whirled around to face him, he reconsidered again. "Don't you think they'd want you to enjoy the holiday, even without them?"

"No," Fathom said.

"Come on, Phil, don't be such a Scrooge," Laserbeam said, following Fathom through the darkened hallways of the hideout. There were no Investigateens present at all.

"They're ON HOLIDAY!" Fathom explained, noticing Laserbeam's glance. "Justice never sleeps, but they kept trying to hang up tinsel in the Cove. It ruins the atmosphere."

Laserbeam couldn't help himself; he blamed it on his laser vision. He pointed up at the doorframe they were standing underneath.

"You missed a spot," he said.

A forlorn piece of mistletoe hung above their heads. They both stared at it, and then at each other, for a long moment.

"Oh, the Adventurekateer Distress Signal!" Laserbeam said, after a distinct absence of any sound. "Better get going..."

"I didn't hear anything," Fathom said. Laserbeam coughed.

"We changed the frequency a little, no big deal, uh, you can come along if you'd like? Just a completely normal team-up, yep," Laserbeam said.

"Let me get my coat," Fathom said, turning on his heel, and Laserbeam carefully neglected to mention that he was already wearing a battered black trenchcoat. He took a deep breath, and then reached into his pocket for the card.

He left it on the coffeetable when they hurried back out the door, and to his credit, Fathom didn't mention the water blotch it left.

Nor did he complain when the villain they were seeking 'mysteriously disappeared' and instead they spent an afternoon playing Scrabble with the Adventurekateers. Fathom was surprisingly good at it.

"Merry Christmas," Laserbeam said, about an hour before Fathom sneaked out. Laserbeam never could figure out how the man disappeared so quickly, without notice.

"Hmph," Fathom said. "Triple word score."

It was close enough.


End file.
